Soul Constipation

I saw a post that claimed overstimulated women don’t need rest, they need release. It sounded like click bait. Sometimes called rage bait. A grain of truth in a sandwich of lies meant to emotionally manipulate someone into engaging with the post, ad or content. Well, it worked. I’m obsessing enough to write this whole blog post about it.

Release happens in rest. You can’t bypass rest and expect release to replace it. Yes, release is part of processing, but one reason for overstimulation is overconsumption with faulty elimination.

Socializing in person or online overstimulates me, hands down. All that content gets stuck. No different than overeating, under-digesting and getting constipated. Things get stuck and slowed down inside, and it causes the mind to go into overdrive trying to make sense of it. When it can’t, it revs up even more and burns itself out. Then you’re really stuck.

Release is only one component, though. Boundaries around what we consume and who we interact with are as important as proper processing and elimination. There’d be less to process and release if we consumed less, right?

Constipation of soul is just as destructive as being backed up in your body. They are interconnected, in fact. Emotional/mental stuffing, denying and neglecting are enough to make you physically sick.

Likewise, too much release is also unhealthy. I’m pretty sure I’ve created issues in my life by having verbal diarrhea. I didn’t choose it, but I’ve had to work hard to see why it might be contributing to a socially toxic feedback loop.

Saying too much to the wrong person can give them exactly what they need to abuse and invalidate me. On the other hand, not saying enough can give those same people enough room to fill in their own narrative and accuse me just the same. Some say it isn’t as much about me as it is about them, but it becomes my problem when they use their influence to stir up cruelty toward me.

These kinds of socially toxic dynamics make socializing feel too risky for my level of tolerance. Talk about overstimulation! It’s exhausting to even write about it. Lord have mercy!

So I ask myself, how can I play this “game” called “life with other people” and stay healthy? How can I achieve “release” or elimination? It feels like the game itself gets me backed up instantly. Leaving the game is tempting, but not realistic. How do I navigate this?

I’ve finally learned one main thing. I have a responsibility to be myself, for my own health. Giving up my authenticity for the game will destroy me. Masking to preserve safety works until it creates an internal threat that becomes even more dangerous. It seems self-preservation has more than one face.

Depending on one’s level of experience with survival mode, being one’s self and exercising boundaries can really be difficult to come to terms with. It’s taken me 46 years to grasp that boundaries aren’t just to keep things out, or control others. They also allow me to withhold things that I can’t trust others with.

Have you ever heard of leaky gut, also known as intestinal permeability? 🤢 It ain’t pretty. It’s when the lining of your intestines becomes more permeable than it should be, allowing things to cross the intestinal barrier that ordinarily wouldn’t. Similarly, relationships can get poisoned because of communication breakdown, assumed expectations and systemic infection. Once things get out of hand, it gets hard to clean it up. Not impossible, just complex and specific.

Boundaries are like the lining of the intestines that holds in what needs contained, and ushers it toward the appropriate place to let it out. It’s not about people-pleasing all the time. Nor is it about letting people “have it” in order to not stuff it away. It’s more nuanced than that. It’s growing the skill of discernment that allows us to determine with whom we can be open and with whom we must guard our hearts. Even more so, when, where and who. Someone might be “safe” in one setting and limited in another.

But that’s for another post.