Love Is Not Rude
I can feel when I’m being managed. Not the kind of management from a boss at work who sees me as a number, although I think many of us feel that kind a lot. No, I’m talking about when someone whom you’ve had a closer connection with starts acting differently without giving you any context on which to hinge it. Like they’ve had a conversation you weren’t invited to and decisions were made you won’t get to know about until you do. It’s the feeling that love opted out.
Love is too big a topic to unpack fully. It can only be digested in parts. That’s why no one ever gets it totally right. It cannot be fully held.
One person holds one aspect, another sees a different facet and they argue who is more enlightened. Neither.
You’re both still missing too much of the picture. And it’s ok. It’s ok because we weren’t meant to understand it all. No one in their right mind expects a fish to understand the ocean simply because it’s their habitat. Even God doesn’t expect his creation to comprehend love. So, let’s just pick up one piece.
Like a fascinating stone that catches your eye on a beach, let’s pick up this verse from 1 Corinthians 13. “Love is not rude…”
Four words, but loaded. Square as logic but inside is a mix of semantics and circumstances that beg for further inspection. I mean, “rude” is a matter of opinion, right?
It feels rude in my opinion to be managed like a problem when I’m a person. I’m not sure anyone being managed like a problem when they are in fact a person would ever disagree with that. Those managing have their reasons. Their reasons are valid. The verse doesn’t say, “Love is not rude unless…”
Now, it’s never safe to apply any quote universally. It’s just not realistic. Life is nuanced and language is fluid. But I’d like to get a little narrow-minded for a bit with this quote. Let’s explore. What if we read it literally?
You might read it, “It’s not loving to be rude.” Or, “Rudeness is bad behavior for a loving person.” You might even go so far as to make it a law. “It is unacceptable to ever be rude, if you claim to be a loving person.” At least that’s how I read it when I was growing up. A structure for morality. A rule.
I read it very differently these days. I won’t claim it’s the right way. I’ll just lay it on the table as another option. You can decide for yourself. What if Love is a Person and they are saying they choose not to be rude because it misrepresents them. Like, “I, Love, am not rude.”
If Love is a person telling me about themselves, I internalize this statement more like, “I will never treat you rudely, Bonnie.” Or, “If you want to be like me, don’t be rude to others.” Or even, “Rudeness is not our vibe, yo!”
But why all the wordiness? Why complicate it? Where am I going with this? What does this have to do with feeling managed?
It feels rude to me when I’m being treated like a project, a problem or a box to check off on someone’s “to-do” list. So, when Love speaks to me in my spirit, I hear them say, “You’re not a problem to me. You’re not just someone whose issues I’m obligated to handle. You’re a person I cherish and enjoy giving to.” This statement is the opposite of rude.
Rude others a person. Love invites them nearer. Rude objectifies a person. Love recognizes needs as part of being human. Rude acts inconvenienced. Love responds with gratitude to have the opportunity to serve. Love is not rude.
I want to love people. I cannot control how others feel about me, my words, my actions or how I look, but I can choose not to be rude intentionally. I can ask Love to use me to speak life and value over people.
I want people to thrive around me. People don’t thrive around rudeness. They shrivel and quake and blush with shame. I want to make people feel confident, respected and open-hearted. That’s how love makes people feel.
What about you? What does Love speak to you? How does love treat you? What are some creative ways you share love with others? We all have experiences with being treated rudely, but how do you love yourself after you feel managed? What do you do to remind yourself you are worth more?